July 2007
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Bingo Banter

If you ever thought the chat box in an online poker game was inane, try online bingo.

Yes, I do have a very good reason for playing bingo.  There’s a fantastic offer on right now where you get £30 for registering a new player account and betting £10.  It told me I already had an account, so I had to do some jiggery pokery using my full name and a different email, but it tracked in Quidco immediately once I’d played through the £10.

I didn’t win anything, but that’s probably because I’m a bingo donkey.  I expect I was seeing too many tickets with weak balls.  I guess I also need to try to dab more aggressively with my good numbers.

However, the £20 overall profit from the bonus just about makes up for having to endure an unbearably cheesy online gaming experience.  My avatar was a cartoon dabber with a big grin – do I need to go into this any further?  It really hurts to think about it now.

Looking back at this screen full of chat is especially painful.

We’ve got the universally standard gl, wd and ul (good luck, well done and unlucky) making an appearance.  The tg suffix means to go, so many of these comments are players announcing how close they are to winning a prize – tactics designed to put fish like me on tilt for sure.  Makes you want to mark off a whole bunch of numbers much to hastily.

The one that took me a while to figure out was wdw.  It means well done winner – a fabulously impersonal way of fake-congratulating an opponent who just outplayed, outclassed and outdabbed you.  It’s not like you don’t know who won – it tells you their name and shows you their winning ticket!

It’s like "well I know I didn’t win, so I don’t care who did" so I imagine wdw is said sarcastically just as often as nice hand is used in poker to actually mean nice suck out

As I didn’t stick around very long, I will just have to pretend that this was a real bingo conversation:

wdw lucky fish u suck
nice miracle numbers
oor play rewarded again
so sick

It could be …

Infantile fun for all the family

Putting rude words as your name in the high score table on a pub quiz or "skill game" machine.

There should be a snappier name for this wholesome activity.  May I suggest "poo-tabling", derived from my very favourite – and almost always first choice – word to use?

It’s short, simple, slightly rude, a little graphic (if you think about it for too long) and obviously not a real name – but hardly offensive, even pre-watershed.

Some machines are poo-friendly, some are not.  Yesterday the mix-and-muddle-the-fruit game that I can’t even remember the name of didn’t like like poo, which is a little unfair when a different game on the same machine already had a big cock.  Really.

At least it’s clear to see that we are not alone in wanting to – nay, enjoying – testing the limits of a computer program’s profanity filter.

That’s Claire’s finger doing the honours.  This poo was a joint effort, and top score on the table won us a massive two quid, after an extremely courageous decision to gamble after hitting the £1 mark.  Even so, wanting our first choice of name to be immortalised for days, maybe even weeks, was too much to ask.